This past summer the Hunter and I again
scheduled appointments at the fertility clinic.
We went with hopes in doctors and science. Our greatest hope was that they would successfully
aid in a miracle of conception. I took
pills that caused my body to prepare double…I felt the side effects and hope grew…maybe THIS month!
We worked around the Hunter’s complex
work load, a funeral, child care for the sweet toddler in our home and all the
other daily to-dos to schedule the perfect timing for the IUI procedure. It was a Saturday and the clinic was
extremely quiet and relaxed…closed actually.
Their doors opened only to the ultra time sensitive procedures like our
own…not even a receptionist sat at the front desk…in her place at the counter, a
note saying that they were expecting us, please sit. J So, we sat. And hope grew!
The morning turned into a treasured and
intimate date with the Hunter. Laughter
filled our conversations and the relaxed atmosphere was a much needed
reprieve. Funny how life is full of
gifts where we least expect them.
The lab count shows us that 2.4 million
of the Hunter’s healthy sperm were placed within my uterus where we only needed
one to successfully begin that miraculous explosion of cells…Conception. We prayed and did the only thing left to
do…WAIT again for those elusive two pink lines. And hope
grew!
As weeks pasted, we came to the
realization that this was not the month…there was no conception. Where was the hope that had grown so
steadily? It seemed to have vanished. I
struggled to find it… The book of
Proverbs mentions how hope deferred makes the heart sick. You know that feeling when you fear a severe
head cold is coming on? I had that
feeling only different because it was in my heart. My beginning symptoms were not a sore throat
and a runny nose but instead feelings of being let down (a sort of falling)
and disappointment felt deep in my soul and then the difficulty and struggle to
get back up to the hope that I had experienced just days earlier. My heart ached and I was tempted not to hope
…it had to be safer…easier…didn’t it? 41
months and I was exhausted of this infertility journey…hope seemed far away and I was too tired to reach for it again.
But, then I remembered the great joy
that hope brings to life. A life
without hope is bleak and dismal, bitter and dark at best.
HOPE…yes, I want to have this and the
joy it brings in my life…so the question in my heart becomes, “How?” How do I have HOPE the morning after a failed
IUI and no pregnancy? Could it be that maybe we all need a HOPE
that lasts through tomorrow? A hope
for the mornings… after a scary diagnosis and surgery…after a heart wrenching
relationship and divorce…after a child’s death and funeral…after ALL of the
hard things, questions and disappointments scattered throughout our daily
lives.
I began to search and listen for the
word HOPE, attentive to any insight or helpful piece of wisdom.
Below is some of what I found:
Proverbs
13:12 (ESV)
HOPE
deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs
10:28 (ESV)
The
HOPE of the righteous brings joy, but the expectation of the wicked will
perish.
Yet, who can really claim to be
righteous (perfect in every respect; without any fault or wrongdoing)?
Romans 3:10-26 and 4:4-8
(ESV)
As it is written: “None
is righteous, no, not one;
No one understands;
No one seeks for God.
All have turned aside;
together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one”
“Their throat is an
open grave; they use their tongues to deceive”
“The venom of asps is
under their lips”
“Their mouth is full of
curses and bitterness.”
“Their feet are swift
to shed blood; in their paths are ruin and misery, and the way of peace they
have not known.”
“There is no fear of
God before their eyes.”
Now we know that
whatever the law says it speaks to those who are under the law, so that every
mouth may be stopped, and the whole world may be held accountable to God. For by works of the law no human being will
be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin. But now the righteousness of God has been
manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness
to it – the righteousness of God through
faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe.
For there is no distinction: for all
have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the
redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation
by his blood, to be received by faith.
This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance
he had passed over former sins. It was
to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the
justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.
Now to the one who works, his wages are not counted as a
gift but as his due. And to the one who
does not work but believes in him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is
counted as righteousness, just as David also speaks of the blessing of the one to
whom God counts righteousness apart from works:
“Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins
are covered; blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin.”
It is to those that have faith in Jesus,
those that believe in God, who justifies the ungodly, that their faith is
counted as righteousness! We can be made
righteous (perfect in every respect; without fault or wrong doing) through our
faith in God! Jesus’ perfect life, death
and resurrection will cover our sin-filled and messy life when we believe in
him, accepting this gift of salvation…HOPE…”The HOPE of the righteous brings
JOY…”
Do you believe in Jesus?
Have you accepted this incredible
gift?
No doubt some of you do believe and some
of you do NOT.
Could it be that some of you believed a
long time ago and have forgotten?
I beg you to consider that any other
source of hope will not last. Some
morning you will wake to find it vanished. People let you down…
Money and resources run out…
Health deteriorates and physical
strength wanes…
Plans change…
Lives end…
Safety is threatened…
Companies downsize and jobs are lost…
Weather changes…
Popularity declines…
Science and knowledge are limited…
Treasured possessions are stolen…
Technology malfunctions…
Buildings crumble…
Drugs disappoint…
Batteries die…
Parties end…
Children grow up…
Music and performances are silenced…
Peace turns to chaos…
Bottles of wine and alcohol empty…
Even crops (food) become scarce and
nonexistent due to natural disasters…
AND infertility continues…
Hope…can vanish.
What are you hoping in that could let
you down tomorrow?
1
Timothy 6:17 (ESV)
As for the rich in this
present age, charge them not to be
haughty, nor to set their HOPEs on the
uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with
everything to enjoy.
Psalm
33:13-22 (ESV)
The LORD looks down
from heaven: he sees all the children of man; from where he sits enthroned he
looks out on all the inhabitants of the earth, he who fashions the hearts of
them all and observes all their deeds. The
king is not saved by his great army; a warrior is not delivered by his great
strength. The war horse is a false HOPE
for salvation, and by its great might it cannot rescue. Behold,
the eye of the LORD is on those who fear him, on those who HOPE in his stead
fast love that he may deliver their soul from death and keep them alive in
famine. Our soul waits for the
LORD; he is our help and our shield. For
our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your stead fast love, O LORD, be upon us,
even as we HOPE in you.
Have you given up on HOPE and the joy it
brings?
Maybe, like me, you have asked, “How long?”
Are you discouraged…too exhausted to
reach up for HOPE yet again?
Be encouraged there really is a HOPE
that lasts through any tomorrow! HOPE in
God is certain and lasts because His love is steadfast (never ending,
unchanging and faithful), even when we are faithless, and in Him is salvation
and FULL redemption!!!!
Redemption is the act, process or an instance of
redeeming…Definition of Redeem:
To buy back: REPURCHASE, to get or win back
To free from what distresses or harms, to free from captivity
by payment of ransom, to extricate from or help to overcome something
detrimental, to release from blame or debt: CLEAR, to free from the consequences
of sin.
To change for the better: REFORM.
REPAIR, RESTORE
To free from a lien by payment of an amount secured
thereby, to remove the obligation of by payment, to exchange for something of
value, to make good: FULFILL.
To atone for: EXPIATE, to offset the bad effect of, to
make worthwhile: RETRIEVE
Synonym: see RESCUE
Psalm 13 (ESV)
How long, O LORD? Will you
forget me forever?
How long will you hide
your face from me?
How long must I take
counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy
be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me,
O LORD my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy
say, “I have prevailed over him,” lest my foes rejoice because I am
shaken.
But I have trusted
in your steadfast love; my heart shall
rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the
LORD, because he has dealt bountifully with me.
Psalm 130:1-7 (ESV)
Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD!
O LORD, hear my voice!
Let your ears be
attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy!
If you, O LORD, should
mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is
forgiveness, that you may be feared.
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I HOPE;
My soul waits for the
Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchman for the morning.
O, Israel, HOPE in the
LORD!
For with the LORD there
is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption.
We have a huge sin problem…it is fatal
and will end in death—Eternity in HELL!
Our countless wrong doings have offended the maker of heaven and
earth! Do you catch the magnitude of
this offense? We have offended the maker of all things!
Knowing this, I find it near impossible not
to tremble at my need for His steadfast love and salvation.
The God who knows how many stars are in
the galaxies, grains of sand are along the ocean and snowflakes are floating in
the air…He knows my name and yours…He sees me and He sees you…He knows the
exact number of hairs on my head (Gray hair.) and your head too…He knows my HOPE or lack thereof and he knows yours…
He knows our heartache and struggles…He
loves with a perfectly faithful and steadfast love AND in Him is full
redemption and salvation from this fatal offense!!!
Psalm 62:5-8 (ESV)
For God alone, O my
soul, wait in silence, for my HOPE is
from him.
He only is my rock and
my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my
refuge is God.
Trust in him at all
times, O people; pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.
Psalm 71:14-15 (ESV)
But I will HOPE continually and will praise you yet more and more.
My mouth will tell of
your righteous acts, of your deeds of salvation all the day, for their number
is past my knowledge.
Still, there are days
like the morning after our failed IUI. Times
when my HOPE is in the LORD and yet raw feelings over take what I know to be
true. The writer of Lamentations shares
about a time like this…
Lamentations 3:17-18
(ESV
My soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness
is; so
I say, “My endurance has perished;
so has my HOPE from the LORD.”…
A couple of verses down…the ultimate key
to HOPE on days like these.
Lamentations 3:21-26
But this I call to mind and therefore I have HOPE;
The steadfast love of
the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end; they
are new every morning;
Great is your
faithfulness.
“The LORD is my
portion,” says my soul, “therefore I
will HOPE in him.”
The LORD is good to
those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one
should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.
Even the Psalmist has to remind himself
what is true when his soul is cast down…multiple times in fact.
Psalm 42:5-6a and 8 (ESV)
Why are you cast down,
O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?
HOPE in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation
and my God.
My soul is cast down
within me: therefore I remember you {God}…
By day the LORD
commands his steadfast love, and at
night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. (Truth, Gratitude and a Night Song)
Psalm 42:11 (ESV)
Why are you cast down,
O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?
HOPE in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation
and my God.
Psalm 43:5 (ESV)
Why are you cast down,
O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?
HOPE in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation
and my God.
There is reason to rejoice and purpose behind
our trials and sufferings.
1 Peter 1:3-9 (ESV)
Blessed be the God and
Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!
According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living HOPE through the
resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is
imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s
power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed
in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if
necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold
that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and
glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus
Christ. Though you have not seen
him, you love him. Though you do not now
see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible
and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation
of your souls.
Romans 5:1-5 (ESV)
Therefore, since we
have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus
Christ. Through him we have also
obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand and we rejoice in HOPE of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our
sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces
character, and character produces HOPE, and HOPE does not put us to shame,
because God’s love has been poured into
our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Find rest my soul; put your HOPE in God!
Romans
15:13 (ESV)
May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy
and peace in believing, so that
by the power of the Holy Spirit you may
abound in HOPE.
No comments:
Post a Comment