When tomorrow appears similiar to today - Endurance.

I feel I owe an apology or at least a good excuse as to why it has been so long since my last post...seriously, where do these feelings come from?  :) I so sincerely hope that you as a reader do not mind the length between my posts. 

The truth is I haven't known exactly how or what to write that would be most beneficial or encouraging to any reader...during the last many weeks, there have been no quick lessons learned...in fact I find myself in a very similar place to when I last posted.  I have spent time wondering at how infertility is still my deep struggle, and yet, I am continuing to mother a beautiful baby girl (who is now 6 1/2 months old!).  Is it possible to feel the deep pangs of loss caused by infertility and the monumental joys of motherhood? Yes, I believe it is.  

In the past, I have seen life turn on a dime, but today appears surprisingly similar to the recent yesterdays.  Tomorrow will likely be a day that appears strikingly similar to today.
There have been no updates that give any clarity as to how long we will have our sweet little girl.  I have come to love her unreservedly and find it near impossible to fathom the trauma of letting her go.  Sweet relief washes over me as I am reminded that God is not asking me to walk that road yet.  I strive to live in gratitude for each day with her as a part of our small family and not fear the future. 

Test results from our regional fertility clinic continue to confirm that the Hunter and I are both healthy and able to have children.  Our most recent test results were described by the nurse as "perfectly normal".  This brings me to a perplexing and slightly disturbing question...While I wait on the miracle of conception, has it been a miracle of God that we are NOT pregnant after a time period of over 2 years?  Could it be that God, who miraculously creates life and orchestrates conception, also has a purposeful hand in each cycle that ends with no pregnancy?  Yes, indeed! 

Let me assure you, I have wrestled with this...and found that God is at work in our daily lives & He CAN be fully trusted...His love is faithful and kind...He is wise and extremely powerful!

While it can be difficult to accept that God has an instrumental hand in infertility, it is also comforting to know how capable His hand really is.  Just as one might trust a surgeon to perform a painful procedure with hope of full recovery, we can have full confidence in God during life's painful circumstances with the promise of eternal life through Jesus Christ!  If I am still long enough, I recall God's sacrificial & faithful love and the death he died in my place...I anticipate the lavish inheritance of Heaven...and I am comforted by His dear presence here and now. 

It is my prayer that He would give us brave patience to endure the tomorrows that appear like today, because none of us actually knows what tomorrow will bring! 

"Lord, you meet me in the madness, so I'll learn to love these days...You are Lord of all my joy and all my pain!...Your love is so amazing!..."  :)

^{Matthew 6:34} “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.