Sunday, January 27, 2013

Anniversaries & Fears.

This past week the Hunter and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary!  I am so very thankful for my husband.  I count him as one of my greatest gifts.  Too often I take his constant companionship for granted.  Maybe this is part of the reason that I love having an anniversary day.  Our anniversary was a wonderful and happy day, not just because he took me to our favorite restaurant, but because the day gave me a chance to reflect.  I looked back on how far we had come together and then spent time wondering  at what the next year could possibly bring for us. 

It is an interesting thing to ponder what lies ahead isn’t it?  While we make our plans and schedules, not one of us really knows what tomorrow will bring.  Will it be a day of laughter or tears, mundane duties or unexpected surprises, peace or war, hope or disappointment, love or loneliness, order or chaos, elation or heartbreak, life or death? 

This morning, I did a different sort of reflecting…with Valentine’s Day fast approaching, I brought out some of my past Valentine’s Day cards that I had carefully stashed away.  These cards are from the Hunter, our parents, siblings and grandparents.  I enjoy re-reading these cards.  Today I placed them in our bay window as  decoration and an encouraging reminder of the love I feel to and from these individuals. 

I think Valentine’s Day has been one of my favorite holidays since grade school and the boxes that my classmates and I used to decorate and fill with cards and candy…as I grew older, I longed for a boyfriend to cherish me on Valentine’s Day.  At first the wait did not seem too difficult, for several years I made special memories with other single girlfriends on Valentine’s Day.  But as those around me continued to meet the man of their dreams, the wait became more difficult.  At times, I was certain to have found “him” but instead of relationship heart ache followed.  I still looked forward to Valentine’s Day and God gifted me with a sister who sensed my struggle and worked extra hard to make me feel especially cared for on Valentine’s Day. 

Each year, I would look back and see how God had sustained me and marvel because I was certain that I could not face another Valentine’s Day anniversary and still be single.  Yet I did…repeatedly. 

“Fragile” by Beth Moore
We often see ourselves as fragile, breakable souls.
We live in fear of that which we are certain
we can’t survive.
As children of God, we are only as fragile as our
unwillingness to bend the knee.
Our pride alone is fragile.
Once its shell is broken and the heart laid bare,
we can sense the caress of God’s tender care.
Until then He holds us just the same.
 
The truth is, I never spent Valentine’s Day with a boyfriend!  To make a long story short, the Hunter and I met in person for the first time Valentine’s Day weekend 2009 and then were married in January 2010.  I went from single one Valentine’s Day to married the next!  What a suprise that was... 

Somehow struggles appear different when we look back.  As I look back on my struggle of singleness, I see the caring hand of God and how he took me farther than I thought was possible.  Now in my current struggle with infertility, I can’t help but wonder what lies ahead.  Today my abdomen is again twisted in pain with the reality that no pregnancy has begun within me.  I look back at my costly rescue and see His faithful love.  Tomorrow I will greet the Hunter and appreciate the good things God has given me.  I rest realizing that I don’t have to fear the future!  God will sustain me through whatever comes in this journey of life.
  
“Sitting Long” by Beth Moore
Have you waited long upon the Lord?
For His Word?  For His hand?
Until He speaks
Until He acts
…and He surely will…
You need not wait upon His love
Patience to wait does not come from
suffering long for what we lack
         But from sitting long in what we have. 

If you take the time to ponder what is ahead of you, does it bring fear and anxiety? 

Is it because you have forgotten how good God is and how far He has brought you?  Ask God to remind you and then take the time to look back. 

Is it because you do not know the God I write of?  He died for you, you know.  Today can be the day you accept His costly rescue.  He will cover you in His perfection (righteousness) and then you can be a part of the people described in the Bible verse below.

Psalm 112:7-8a
They do not fear bad news;
They confidently trust the LORD to care for them.
They are confident and fearless

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